As a disabling condition, its unique in that what makes it so difficult to live with and manage, is a direct result of the rest of society. Certainly brings a different perspective to light when incontinence is explored in this way. When we think of how embarrassing and shameful being incontinent is to not only to live with, but also, even just to talk about. I will add that while all disabilities are in ways, only disabiling because of how society creates barriers and limitations on those with disabilities, incontinence is unique in that its a condition amoung other things, void of a pride movemement and its unique in its level of shame and embarrassment attached. Its that shame and embarrassment that almost single handily creates the disability...
Something else unique. Think about a baby. Babies are incontinent. Their bodies eliminate urine and fecal matter as if on an automatic timer. Its just part of the process of development and growing up. We buy diapers and supplies and we take care of that particular need and we tell our selves that one day soon, baby so and so will be a couple years old and will start using the potty and bye bye diapers. There is no shame or embarrassment for the baby partly because they dont have the wherewithal to feel strange about doing their business in a diaper and having no control about that but also because society accepts that its a normal process and we even attach a certain level of cuteness to that part of the developmental process...its not a disability when you are a baby or 2 or three or even 4 years old.....
Even after a child potty trains and gets out of diapers and pull ups and they inevitably have an accident in their pants either during the day or at night (bed wetting/Nocturnal Enuresis), we brush it off...it happens....but that is the age...the age of continence....the age of wearing cool undies and no longer having to wear a diaper, that a child, say age 5 who gets wrapped up in play at school in kindergarten and ends up peeing his pants, that he becomes acutely aware that he did something shameful, wrong, undignified, and something associated with being a baby and adding to that, the whole class room has been trained and raised up to see the same thing and the natural reaction at that age is to ridicule and laugh and point fingers and call names like pee pee pants or poopy pants or phrases that draw attention to how what you just did was wrong and undignified of your age and developmental stage in life.....All 20 other kids now identify you as being like a baby and the teacher in the class room exudes pity....
That is were things change in life regarding incontinence and how its experienced and viewed by society and the person with it....whether you are like me and its something you have lived with your whole life or became incontinent later in life, from that age forward, the fact you cant always use the toliet or at all, if your wholly unlucky, social conditions exist to create the disability. The constant fear of being discovered by your peers either that you have peed or pooped in your pants, or in a diaper or that you wear a diaper, it heavily dictates how you live your day to day life. For many, you plan your whole day around how to hide your incontinence and or that you wear diapers. You buy diapers and diapers are manufactured with discreetness in mind and not utility. You avoid certain situations like where there will be a lot of people or there may not be easy access to a restroom or other way to take care of an accident or to change a diaper. Camping trips are likely a no, sleeping over with friends are often a no...You may be stuck in your house a lot because bus trips and car trips are nerve wracking. Volunteering and working can be an extreme social challenge..
Everything you do differently or miss out on is due to the necessity for discreetness and the desire to not be embarrassed and to avoid the feelings of shame...No one wants to be a pariah and its the same if you are a 5 year old kid who desires to not be known as the boy who peed or pooped in his pants in class or an adult who doesnt want to see the stares of pity and whispers between peers, or the giggles of adults and children. People who remember that you peed your pants at the last birth day party for the neighborhood kid or the one who was walked in on as you were changing you diaper in the bathroom, by Sarah's 4 year old son causing him to naturally ask questions, sally to want to hide out of embarrassment and pity for you and you trying to figure out the best way to explain your self and minimize the damage to your ego and social life...
The moral to this story is that incontinence is a medical condition. That cant be blamed on any one, but the fact its a disability especially in its severe forms, the act of it being disabling, is directly related to social conditioning which starts in early child hood. Society makes incontinence a disabiling condition. They create the shame and embarrassment.
I will add that as a disability, its something you feel the need to beat around the bush with, if you talk about it at all. I can write like this on a blog. Its different. Different from say being in a disability caucus, what is supposed to be a safe place to talk about disabilities with those who know what its like. It still comes out slower than molasses. Still leaves a lump in your stomach as you figure out a way to tell talk to people about being incontinent, that you cant control your bladder or bowel and that your incontinence is so severe, that your bodily elimination is on an automatic timer, just like a baby's body is. That you wear diapers for two different reasons, one because its easier clean up but two, to do what you can to prevent visible accidents. That if you were a baby, that you wearing a diaper would be a natural thing and that they only served the purpose of easier clean up and that as a baby, no one would think twice about the fact that you cant use a toilet and that you must use a diaper...
Something to think about....incontinence is only a disabling condition for adults and for children passed the age when most kids reach the developmental milestone of potty training....
If I was a baby and not 32 years old, this would not be a disabling condition...
Perspective.