So yesterday evening, my 12 year old step daughter is watching tv and a commercial for Depends Silhouettes(A ultra discreet pull up for females) comes on and she looks over at me and asks " is that the diaper you wear daddy. I laughed and told her that that was something a woman might wear but that I wore a different brand. She giggled and left it at that.
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So an update on family composition: me and my ex wife got back together and between us we have 4 kids. A 4 year old(my daughter) a 5 year old(her youngest son). a 8 year old boy and a 10 year old girl both hers. They all know me and my daughter, and me and my ex wife were married when she was pregnant with the 8 year. and the 10 year old was about 2. Lots of history between all of us and we stayed in contact after the divorce.
So to the point of my post...they all know I have to wear diapers because of bladder and bowel control issues. today her 5 year old boy comes out of the bathroom and grabs my hand and says: "you need to go potty? you need to go potty? I take you. lets go potty." I smiled. chuckled and then said "I'm OK...i dont need to go potty"he then frowns and says did you go in your diaper? before, I could formulate a response, he says " its OK, ill go get mommy...she can help but you have to start using the potty(serious tone) the other kids minus my daughter who is just a little younger, understand that I just don't make it to the potty and that is why I have to wear diapers. this boy and my daughter aren't quite there yet. got to love kids even when they do and say embarrassing things.. From the day our kids reach potty training age, we are ingraining into them the idea that only babies wear diapers. that big boys and big girls use the potty and there fore get to wear underwear. They eventually become and adults and raise their kids the same way. Its only the rare chance that a person suffers from incontinence so much they need diapers, that they all of a sudden realize that if only babies wear diapers, what does that make me? That is why people who suffer from incontinence save them for last resort and even then will chance accidents rather than wear.
Look at adult diapers. Shoot look at good nights. Diaper manufacturers realized there needed to be a pull up that could be worn at night that could be called anything but a diaper and even look design wise like a juvenile version of a toddler pull up. As far as adult diapers "disposable briefs" they are every year designed less and less like diapers. Shoot now a days its hard to find diapers, with most stores switching to pull ups or "disposable underwear". They are getting thinner and thinner and less reliable with each design change. Its a big self defeating circle with the manufacturers, media, and customers constantly working in concert to rid the market of what works the best. Adult diapers are designed to be concealed and hidden and to save one from the embarrassment of being discovered a baby. I think the rare incontinent person like my self, who grows up wearing them ends up viewing diapers a lot differently than the majority of incontinent people who suffer it later on in life due to age, disease or accident. We have time to mature and build a thick skin as a shield from embarrassment. Finally for those who are also fecal incontinent like me and have had a life time to get used to it, diapers are more about keeping your clothes clean as the diaper doesnt hide the byproduct of fecal matter. If you are fecal incontinent its less about hiding it and more about being as comfortable as possible. That is what I have discovered. Incontinent people dont like diapers because society decided many years ago that they would be taboo except for babies. Only time can bring about a change in outlook and a maturation in views... So first off, keep in mind that if you ever have to change in a port a potty, you are kinda limited with a couple things1) space
2) what to do with your dirty diaper 3) does the lock work or notthere is no way around the lack of space in a port a potty just as you'd find in an airplane bathroom. its irritating and quite a few times, very important items like my phone or e-cigarette have come periously close to taking the death plunge from my shirt pocket into the urine/poop abyss, but port a potty's are for emergencies whether you are continent and scrambling to find a toilet so you dont pee or poop in your pants for the first time since you were a small child or completely dependent on diapers like i am and are close to leaking or have soiled your diaper and need to change quick, the port a potty is a savior of sorts and you just deal with the minor challenges.of course once you change you have a diaper you have to do something with. you can leave it inside as punishment for there not being a waste receptacle inside and i have done that in a pinch but usually i just bring plastic grocery sacks and if i know there is a garbage nearby, i know i can toss the plastic bag wrapped soiled diaper away quickly. if not, just leave it. not worth the embarrassment of running into someone with a dirty diaper in your hand.so the porta potty epic fail is the 3rd item...ALWAYS check the lock. I didnt today and in the middle of changing my poopy diaper a middle aged woman with what appeared to be a 6 year old boy all of a sudden opens the door. needless to say, they got an eyeful and i was royally embarrassed, more than i have been in a long time. to make matters worse when i was done, they were outside waiting and im holding a bag with a dirty diaper in it. the mom couldn't look at me and said nothing, the boy did an out of the mouth of babes and said "its okay, my younger brother is 4 and he still wears diapers. my mommy says every body learns to use the potty in their own time.Check the locks! Depends adult diaper joke and my comments:The joke circulating on facebook:
Does anyone know why baby diapers are called Luvs & Huggies while old people diapers are called Depends? Cause if a baby craps in their pants, you are still gonna Luv'em & Hug'em. If an old person craps in their pants, will they still be Luv'ed or Hugged? That "Depends" on whos ass is in the Will.this is quite funny yet sad and true at the same time for several reasons. 1) countless Americans both child young adult and old adults suffer from varying degrees of urinary incontinence, bowel incontinence, or both. many have to wear a diaper to manage and live the most active life possible and it isn't easy. its horribly embarrassing and with the way society tends to treat incontinence as both a taboo subject and something to either pity or even outright make fun of, living each day can be a stressful excercise. its not hard to feel shame and that shame is a direct result of how we as a society deal with incontinence and adult diapers. diapers and lack of bodily control are considered developments of infancy and toddlerhood but no matter how its handled, its a very real reality of countless people young an old who are way past the age of having their diaper changed but as human beings, no less deserving of love, respect and dignity.2) the last part of the post reminds us that gone are the days where finances and large estates, didn't, at least on the same level, dictate how we approached our parents latter years of life. we don't respect and love family like we used to. we don't value them like we used to. with parents we move out of the home as far away and as quickly as possible and then when they need us we draw straws and claim immunity on the basis of rugged American individuality.America. I'm sad right now. we can do better. What I remind my self when a curious adult or child has questions related to my having to wear diapers and related urinary and bowel incontinence issues:
“I try to remember that people are often curious about things that are unique or rare. It doesn’t mean that they are trying to be rude, rather they are taking advantage of a situation where they can get information directly from a knowledgeable source — me." why is it that diapers made for those who wear them for fun(yes some people wear diapers that don't need them) are made 10 times better than the ones made for some one like me who has to wear them? I know the answer to that but it still bothers me. I can of course buy the good brands online but so many incontinent folks have no idea of what's out there so they use what they can find and quality of life can be less than if they knew about premium brands available online.
sorry to my followers. lots going on in my life and haven't been able to update since February. please continue to be patient. I will be back to posting ASAP. in the mean time, if you want to guest write for this site, please let me know.cheers!kevin
diaper dad Diaper Choices:
So you’ve come to some point of acceptance that your regular underwear is not effective at keeping you dry. Whether you are racing for a bathroom when the urge hits, or dribbling on after using the bathroom, or having total wetting accidents when you least expect and are out in public…..you have come to the point of wanting to try something to keep these incidents private. For the mild cases, usually characterized as urge incon or stress incon, you experience some leakage when you are heading to the toilet (urge incon) or when you cough, laugh, pick up something heavy (stress incon). And incomplete emptying of the bladder is another form that can result in wet underwear caused by post dribbling. At first the wet underwear may be just uncomfortable and the wetness is not so bad it shows up as a wet spot on your pants. At this point, some resort to stuffing paper towels into their underwear. And others go a step further and buy feminine protection pads, but soon find they are not very effective for holding urine. If we go back in time to before “disposable underwear”, AKA pull-ups for adults, was available, you would go to the pharmacy and check out the diaper / incon isle. You might look into “pads”. Poise is the big brand and pads are absorbent, have a waterproof plastic backing and a strip of adhesive that is supposed to hold the pad somewhat secure in your cotton underpants, which need to be briefs, not boxers. Minor leakage can now be contained in something that prevents the wetness from getting thru your underpants and possibly out onto your outer wear. If the incon worsens, and that is usually the case, the pad gets saturated and leaks over the edges and your underwear gets wet. Now you have to look into a larger pad, that covers more area and is more absorbent. Such larger pads cannot be effectively held in place with just a pair of cotton briefs. Mesh pants are the answer for this. Called the pad and pant system, the pad can be nearly the equivalent of a (real) diaper but with no means of fastening it around your waist. The pants are very stretchy and usually a lousy fit, but for some, it avoids the “diaper stigma”, as it holds the “almost a diaper” in place to hopefully prevent wet outer wear. In about the same category is a product termed “disposable undergarments” that are best described as like a loin cloth, slung into your crotch and reaching from your lower back to about your belly button. They come with short elastic straps that button or Velcro onto the undergarment to hold it in place. The elastic goes from the front, across your hip to the rear, one on each side. All incon wear gets heavy with wetting, of course, and these undergarments will benefit from additional support provided by your cotton briefs. For those with lighter wetting that doesn’t get the protection too heavy, they may be able to get away with wearing boxer shorts over the undergarment. When the pad and pant system and / or undergarment type of protection fails to provide the security and comfort that people seek, which can happen pretty quickly to most, especially active people, then something that fastens more securely is needed. This is where the tape on disposable brief fills the need. Never called a diaper by the manufacturers….in fact, no adult incon product is ever called a diaper…. Even tho they are, in fact, diapers. An absorbent core, wrap around sides, elastic leg openings, often elastic waist bands and 4 to 6 adhesive tapes to stick the diaper on. Originally only found with plastic backing, they became available in “cloth like” backing intended to deal with diaper stigma by offering you something to wear that didn’t look like plastic, feel like plastic or crinkle like plastic. To this day, the adult diaper (disposable brief) is the best protection available to incontinent people. The tape on attachment (also available in Velcro-on attachment in some brands) provides a secure and custom fit to most wearers. The advent of super absorbent polymers (SAP) brought us diapers that are pretty thin and thus concealable under normal clothing while still providing excellent absorbency for long term wear while minimizing embarrassing leaks. As for brands and choices you have available to you, I will not attempt to go into that, as it is well covered on the web. One of the best sites is www.xpmedical.com where the owner, Gary, is incontinent himself and knows exactly what it like and what we face when we are looking for a diaper that will work effectively for our situations. His page on absorbency comparison is very well done, comprehensive and I’m sure you will find it helpful when choosing a diaper. Another site offering additional brand choices is www.magicmedical.com. There are many others but you won’t go wrong with these for good information and choices. Your choice of diapers will be extensive on line, far-far better than any store or pharmacy. In addition, premium diapers will be found on line that you will never, or hardly ever, find in stores. In addition there are discussion forums like this one and a couple of others you may wish to join and get involved in discussion of managing incontinence with diapers. www.incontinentsupport.org and http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/adultincon/ Now for the latest entry into the diaper choices field, we have adult pull ups. Again, manufacturers won’t call them diapers….the term is “disposable underwear” and they are a pull up (pull on) diaper. Absorbent core, waterproof backing-always the cloth like; no plastic backing is offered, and stretchy leg openings and a stretchy waist band. So they pull on / up just like your cotton underwear. The disposable underwear product has taken over most all the shelf space in stores and pharmacies offering incontinent products. Most likely you won’t find tape on “diapers” (disposable briefs), as they are too “diaper-like” compared to the pull on “underwear”, and they don’t sell. What does not sell gets pulled off the shelves. You may still see pads on the shelf as an option to the underwear product. I don’t consider the pull up / underwear in the same class as a diaper / brief. The underwear product does not hold as much wetting and since it is dependent on waistband tension to hold it up, it naturally wants to sag and slip down as it gets wet. This can be helped somewhat by wearing your snug fitting cotton briefs over the disposable underwear but still, there is a limit. When wet to the point of needing to change them, you must undress. In a cleanliness challenged public restroom stall, that is not very convenient or desirable; having to remove shoes and pants. Not to get the wet one off, as they all have tear away sides and will come off like a diaper, but you need to step into a new dry one and pull it up and then get dressed again. I do not recommend pull ups / underwear for people who wet consistently and should be wearing a tape on diaper. But for people wearing them mostly for “just in case” protection they can be wonderful, not to mention a far better option than taking a chance on going someplace without protection, only to find you really should have worn some protection! And if your track record is leaky, and you just might have to do a change “on the road”, then consider wearing two pair, one over the other. A little bit bulky perhaps, but now you won’t have to undress to change. Simply pull your pants down, pull the outer pull up down and tear away the inner wet one and pull the dry one back up. That can work for some, tho wearing a more appropriate product such as a tape on diaper is usually a better and more leak free choice for people who know they are going to wet while out and about. Pull ups have a narrow crotch to really feel like normal underwear and help with concealment, but that narrow crotch can leak readily….and before the pull up ever gets fully utilized. SAP, as great as it is, does not allow much wicking….that is, moving wetness from one part of the product to a dryer part. Once again, I stress that pull-ups are great for just in case protection and you should not be getting them too wet….otherwise, you may just have to face up to the fact that you really need a tape on diaper….gasp! You may find some pull ups “rated” for overnight protection, but most people find them inadequate to keep the bed dry. OK probably for those who sleep on their back and don’t move, but for anyone sleeping on their side, the pull up has nothing much to offer in effective protection against wet sheets. A tape on diaper has a much wider crotch and usually has “fluff” which adds bulk but helps wicking that moves wetness from the crotch to up the front and up the back of the diaper. A diaper is designed to get used…to get wet. And still, even a “real” diaper can have trouble keeping your sheets dry overnight since there is little to no absorbent material in the wings that wrap around your waist. People who consistently sleep on their side often find they need to augment their disposable diaper protection. In some cases that means a cotton pant (diaper pant) with plastic pants and that creates diaper laundry that many don’t want. But that can be very effective when your disposable diaper leaks out the side since the cotton pants catch it and the plastic pants keep the sheets dry. Disposable augmentation is limited to the under pads / bed pads that are only useful if they stay in place to keep a diaper leak from getting the sheets wet. Cloth diapering is often a better choice for keeping the sheets dry, tho it does involve diaper laundry and waterproof pants, the most common being plastic pants. Cloth diapering these days can be thick cotton pull on pants in which you can add a booster strip of cotton if additional absorbency is needed. Tho they are held up by an elastic waist band, when you are in bed, there is little or no tendency for the diapering to sag down, such as is the case when you’re up and walking around. Cloth diapering that works for day time wear as well as overnight wear, and is much like the disposable diapers you may be used to, is the Velcro on contour diaper. It goes on just like your disposable; back up to the wall to hold the back of the diaper up, pull the front up between your legs and instead of tapes, you have Velcro tabs that fasten the wings to the front of the diaper. Very secure in that they stay up and absorbency can be boosted with adding an insert into the diaper before fastening it around your waist. Waterproof pants, again plastic are the most common, are a necessary part of cloth diapering. I do not advocate “all in one” cloth diapers as the waterproofing built in seldom lasts for long and makes laundering the diaper more difficult. A good number of incontinent people wear disposable diapers by day, which are convenient and easy to conceal with most clothing, but resort to cloth diapering at night when concealment is not an issue and cloth holds the advantage over disposable diapers when it comes to keeping the sheets dry. Guest written by Joe K This story is about how a mommy and daddy went to buy a van so they could prepare for the bigger family. And how when they went to the "car store" (she was three-ish at the time) they got to look at hundreds of cars and see which one they wanted.
If the car used to much gas, they could get one that used less. If they didn't like the tires, they could change those. They could even change the color of the car. Later in the story when the baby comes around, the baby grows up to need glasses. And I basically explained in the story that mommy and daddy can choose the car, but we don't get to choose our bodies. We don't get to walk around a huge lot of bodies and say, "Oh, I'm going to have that one because it will make me a faster runner." We get stuck with the body we're born in and we have to deal with everything, including the bad stuff. What a wonderful way of explaining to kids using an anecdote, how we often times get broken bodies either at birth or later on in life and how we cant control it. My daughter knows i wear diapers. She is 4 years old. at her age, especially with her in pull ups and not close to potty training yet, she just thinks im a strange adult who wear diapers. she is too young to understand the why of it. what i do know is that she still loves me, she still respects me, still comes to me for her 4 year old needs and our relationship nor her view of me hasnt changed. She just asks me every time she gets told to go and try to potty, : daddy, you need to go potty too? one day she will be at an age to understand if she asks, why i have to wear diapers. in the mean time, i have discovered the why isnt important. im okay with being strange as long as she loves me. So many of us incontinent folks have been primed by society to be ashamed of having urine or fecal control issues and having to use diapers. we grew up with the knowledge that only babies wear diapers so diapers are grouped with babies in our sub conscious. Its the shame that causes us to fear what our kids will do when they find out daddy or mommy has issues getting to the potty on time or in my case and others, not at all because the incontinence is so severe and we wear diapers to deal with it. it is in this society that we say with confidence usually to our selves that babies and diapers are cute. part of that "i totally need you dad and mom stage". its only when our kids grow up and start moving towards being an adult that they become part of a society that look at diapers and incontinence as being a shameful problem. a silent problem. something we dont talk about or learn to be funny about. I once knew and older elderly gentleman who had reached a stage in his life where he needed to wear diapers. one day his grandson who still had accidents and needed a pull up, walked in on him in the bathroom and saw him changing his diaper. The little kid walked up to his grand dad and asked matter of factly: " why grandpa do you wear diapers. The gentleman paused and thought for a second, trying to fathom a way to answer his grandson in a way he'd understand. he eventually settled on something: When you get as old as i am you find that some times you cant find the potty in time or even sometimes where one is. the grandson smiled and then said: grandpa if you ever need help finding the potty, just ask me. ill help you. Sometimes i cant make it in time too. we can find it together. Kids have to be taught to see differences as something to be teased. as long as we teach them right and as long as we dont treat diapers as something to be ashamed of, our kids will treat diapers and accidents as something that is part of life no matter if you are a 5 year old an elderly gentleman or a 30 year old guy like me. In closing im thankful that as my daughter continues to grow up to be a kid, she will be like that kid in the story and offer to help me find the potty rather than question my adult hood because i have to wear diapers. |
AuthorMy name is Kevin Cline (Isabella Parker Cline). I'm a 32 year old dad and Trans girl. I am also happily married. I have dreams and aspirations and lead a very active life. I thoroughly enjoy being a dad and I enjoy my life and yet I have a problem that affects millions of people but no one wants to talk about: urinary or bowel incontinence. Archives
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